Dear Heart,

Today I was reminded of one of our many nights out while at university.

It all started with the usual drinks at ours and then on to the different places around town. I don't remember much of that part of the night. They were usually filled with drinking (perhaps too much), dancing and laughing constantly. Sometimes laughing at your dancing skills. It was the time in the early hours of the morning that I remember most though, when we would stumble in through the door laughing and singing. The other housemates had gone home that weekend (as they so often did) and with nothing to keep us quiet it wasn't long before we had the guitar out singing and playing random songs. At the time I am almost certain we thought we were amazing, singing until our throats were sore... looking back, we were probably horrific. It doesn't matter either way because that memory of us is filled with such joy and love. At the time it was just the love of a friend, I hadn't yet been lead to believe that you were the one that I should be with. The one my heart was really calling out to.

I look back now on that night and it was just one of those perfectly imperfect moments. Where time seems to just pause. The dust stills in the air and the wind ceases to move and bend the trees. We were just us - pure, happy, stupid.

When did we lose that?

Love,

Me

Dear Heart,

Happy New Year!

 

Another year has passed and yet I still think about you endlessly - how desperately sad!

 

I hope you had a good new year in distant lands. I wonder if you ever spared a thought for me as I brought in the year with a cheer... in my pyjamas and a drink, watching the London fireworks on the TV. It got me thinking to Bonfire night all those years ago and you decided to bring home a load of fireworks to set off in our back garden. All wrapped up we all stood outside as you set it all up. Everything went well and we "ooh-ed" and "ahh-ed" in all the right places. And then the grand finale, the big one, you stuck it in, lit it and ran back to me (how I wish you'd run back to me now...) and then with a pop and a bang it flew... right towards us! We leapt out of the way as it crashed its way into the house! Screams from our housemates as they ran down the corridor. A bang and then silence.

I just remember us standing there in that silence looking at one another with this almost empty expression - what just happened? And then you opened the door, I wondered what sight I'd see, and there was the kitchen, just normal... and all the other rooms. Everything was fine, aside from the mark on the boiler where it must have hit! The boiler of all places!

 

We laughed for quite a long time about that incident. It was that laughter where you realise you are lucky to be alive and lucky that you haven't blown anyone up! As the years have passed I still think about that moment every time I see fireworks. Probably is the reason I'm so paranoid about them and safety around them!

 

Even with the life threatening situation I still would never change this memory. God, it does make me smile seeing your face in my mind's eye. Just there, immortalised in that memory forever more.

 

 

Hope you have a great 2014,

See you soon hopefully!

 

Love (probably always),

Me